Master Chef: Perhaps it Should Be Called Bastianich Goes Douche

So, once again Holly and I sat through a double episode of Master Douche Chef.  Gordon Ramsey has long been an ass of epic proportions, but it seems that he wanted to show the world that, yes -- it is possible to be a bigger douche and so he unleashed on the viewing public Joe Bastianich.  He is just the sort of pretentious foodie that is so rude, you want to sentence him to a week of microwave pizza.  Joe irritated me so much that I decided to google his ignorant ass and I discovered that he is basically just a restaurateur.  You see, he is in partnership with the awesome Mario Batali. That makes Joe a businessman.  You wouldn't know that from the way he rudely tells people that he is not tasting their food.  Since he has zero training and that includes home training, I would like to know where the hell he gets off?  Even in the clips for next week's two hour marathon, Joe can once again be seen throwing someone's food in the garbage. He is either brave or stupid, because that is enough for some people to put their boot upside his ever so haughty ass. Clearly, I did not get my dislike of Joe out of my system because I am venting again.

I think I am watching Master Chef because I feel for these people.  They are home cooks with zero culinary experience and the judges constantly move the goal posts around regarding their expectations. Foodie culture at the best of times is filled with exclusionary masturbatory spunk and shows like this seem to forget that many Americans are starving.  The food that Joe refused to taste, would have been gratefully eaten by many -- and it his class privilege that encourages him to act so cavalierly (yeah I know Joe again).  Even their attitude about feeding Truckers sub-par food so clearly set up an us versus them dynamic.  There are many issues with Master Chef and I highly suspect the one that goes most unnoticed is its treatment of class, because the food industry ignores how much of a role that plays in creating these celebrity chefs.  I would like to see these assholes live a day in the life of the poor. I would like to see these asshole cook at a soup kitchen. But then getting dirty isn't really their thing now is it

Okay I am going to end my rant.  Check out what Holly and I had to say last night.


Holly:  So, am I seeing pretentious judges eating cupcakes with forks!?
Renee:  Yes from what I can tell, they had a cupcake challenge with mystery ingredients
Holly:  That'd be the day someone would try to eat a cupcake around me with a fork.
Renee:  Well I was thinking that it might not be as pretentious as it looks because they have eat the same cupcake.  Do you really want to take a bite after Gordon Ramsey? Who the hell knows where he has been?
Holly:  They should have 3 cupcakes. Sherone's cupcake won. I wonder what kind of cupcake he baked.
Renee:  Wow, that was his first cupcake And no one likes him it seems.
Holly:  Nope, they're all calling him a kiss ass.
Renee:  Fucking right on, I forgot it was Cat Cora this week.  She is fucking kick ass
Holly:  Wow. All of her dishes are so colorful! They look good.
Renee:  Yeah but more than her cooking, she takes no shit and is so damn pro woman; I love her.
Holly:  Slim has never eaten halibut, she doesn't eat chili. That's a little weird.
Renee:  I think I am behind you because I just heard that Slim has never eaten halibut
Holly:  Ah. Well it's about time, I'm always behind you on Big Brother!
You're all "Wow, so and so just got put up for elimination!" And I'm all "HOW ARE YOU SEEING INTO THE FUTURE?!"
 Renee: I don't get it because I am watching it on Fox and not an affiliate
 Holly:  I'm watching it on Fox too. You said you had thunderstorms tonight... That could be why.
 Renee:  Cat is going to kick his ass
 Holly: It's pretty awesome that they all have the chance to see someone they all look up to and respect cook and get tips from.
Renee:  Oh it's a huge opportunity. Why are they sectioning them off?  That makes no sense.
Holly:  I have no clue. Because they want the set to look cooler with a huge wall down the center?  And Slim forgot to strain her sauce.
Renee:  With any luck it will be David that is going home.
Holly:  Wow, and there's another MasterChef after this again. I guess they're attempting to flip. Keep MasterChef a summer show, make Hell's Kitchen a fall show.   Oooh, a blind taste test!
Renee:  That is exactly what they are trying to do. They started this show way too late
 Holly:  Yeah, it's also a little hard to stay excited about this show when there's 2 hours a day. Well, a week. Shit. Not a day.And Cat Kora won. Surprise? No, not so much. Slim overcooked her halibut. Joe Bastianich won't even try her food.
Renee:  I cannot stand him
Holly:  I know! He's getting just a little too cocky.
Renee:  At least Cat was nice when she didn't eat it.
Holly:  Yay, Jake's sauce is stunning! I love Jake. Totally rooting for him.
Renee:  Yeah I like him too, especially because they thought that based in how he looked, that he could not cook.
Holly:  Yeah, and he just keeps blowing them away with his skills! Jake won!   And Mike, Slim and Faruq are in the bottom three.
Renee:  It freaks me out to see you do that before it is announced. It might be Faruq because this is his second week on the bottom
Holly:  You do it to me every single time we've watched Big Brother. I'm sorry, though. I'll wait three minutes before I tell you? It is Faruq!
Renee:  Yeah well I actually called it...I jut thought I would point that out
Holly:  I knew it was Faruq before you called it, but okay, we can say you called it.
Renee: You only knew because your ahead of me time wise.  I called it before it was announced here
Holly:  I'm in the future! :D   They're cooking for truckers!
Renee:  Yeah and some classist BS is going to happen this episode for sure
Holly:  Well Jake is extremely happy about cooking for truckers.
Renee:  Why give them hamburgers...wouldn't these ppl like something different.  And some lovely fat shaming to boot.
Holly:  Jake is so fucking kind. I want to hang out with him. Well Graham Elliot made a joke about himself. I wouldn't classify that as fat shaming as much as I would classify that under poor body image issues and thinking he has to make people feel comfortable around him.
Renee:  No he directed it outwards as well when he suggested that some of the truckers were big because they ate to many burgers.  Just because he pointed it at him self as well, does not mean that there wasn't hatred there.
Holly:  Okay, I understand what you mean now. Celebrity chef burger syndrome, haha. Blue cheese burgers, bbq sauce and bacon. I actually think that could taste good.
Renee:  WTF..."what trucker doesn't like bacon"?  Seriously
Holly:  And Sherone cannot cook a burger. The red team is stressing me out! They have to prep all new burgers that don't have bleu cheese in the patty.

Renee:  The electric chair of burgers?  That is an odd way to look at food
Holly:  I still don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
And Gordon Ramsay says "They're cooking for truckers" when Jake said the other team's burger is slathered in sauce and raw bacon.
Renee:  So you're cooking for truckers serve them crap. Raw bacon is just wrong
Holly:  Well I like my bacon fatty, bubbly and wayyyy undercooked. So I'd love it.
Renee:  And that nasty faux bacon instead of good ole fashioned Canadian bacon
Holly:  Extra thick faux bacon! Yummmm!
Renee:  No not yum. Real bacon is Canadian Bacon
Holly:  And the red team wins! Because of bacon and bbq sauce!
Renee:  You're out of commercial already
Holly:  Yep.
Renee:  You suck.  You need a spoiler alert
Holly:  I like last week's pressure test more.
Renee:  OKRA
Holly:  Naming crazy looking ingredients isn't as fun as guessing ingredients from a pot of Texas chili.
Renee:  I still like i,t some of it is weird. Chickpeas
Holly:  I hope he gets a shitload of ingredients! macadamia nuts do look like chickpeas. :P
Renee:  damn I am going to stop guessing
Holly:  Damn I had no idea rhubarb looked like that
Renee:  I wouldn't be able to name 5 of those ingredients.
Holly:  I could have named a few. I could have named plaintain, star fruit, rosemary. There's 3!
Renee:  You would have missed the fillet and the smoked salmon?

Holly:  Probably. I don't eat much fish, don't really study it or anything. Yay, Glee comes on September 21st!

Holly:  I would have gotten nectarine!
Renee:  I would have gotten the catfish.  That is a good eating fish.  Wrong it's a starfruit.
Holly:  How could you not get star fruit!? I got star fruit!
Renee:  It even looks like a star
Holly:  Yup!
Renee:  I have never tasted one though
Holly:  Me either, but I've seen them. Yay, Whitney got more ingredients. The guy kept saying he wanted her to say banana when she got to plantain.
Renee:  "I'm a Georgia peach that's not a Georgia peach"..gotta say I loved that line.
Holly:  Haha yeah.
Renee:  What a suck ass way to leave the competition though
Holly:  Spoiler alert! Tony is going home! :D I agree. You're a great chef, but you only named 9 ingredients.
Renee:  They should lose by cooking something
Holly:  If that was how they were leaving then Slim would be gone.
Renee:  I cannot believe Joe just threw someone's food inn the garbage without tasting it.  I really don't like that jackass
Holly:  Me either, he's an asshole! And someone really needs to tell him so.
Renee:  I know...if he did that to me, I would lose my shit.  That is beyond rude and I don't care if he can cook
Holly:  Well, notice they keep saying he owns several restaurants. He could just be a good businessman. I don't know, this is the first time I've even heard of this guy.
Renee:  And I hope that it is the last, he is such a douche, he is making Ramsey look good and that is a hard nut to sell

 Holly:  Yeah, I guess Ramsay got sick of being seen as an asshole and had to get someone worse than himself on this show.