Britney Spears is front-and-center on the August 2010 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine due out this week.With just one quick glance over the hot pink with yellow text eyesore of a cover, we know we can surely expect a lot from this issue. A lot of sex that is. In true Cosmo fashion, we are sold the idea of needing to read their baseless articles of regurgitated information all about sex in order to do it right because, as we learn from the text toward the top left, 2,000 men have revealed exclusively to Cosmo what they want you (you women!) to stop doing in bed. Got it? You suck in bed, read Cosmo and you'll be cured.
In the world of Cosmo, there are 50 "quick tricks" that will make you feel sexier instantly. Upon further inspection, there is also a little something for women who "inhale" pizza and want to know how to not gain weight after pigging out. One most ask themselves if one ties into the other. In normal person world, pigging out and then utilizing a little trick to ensure you don't gain weight is called bulimia and we really don't need articles feeding completely unhealthy and damaging ideas such as this to women and young people.
But oh, there is more! This is Cosmo we're talking about here! They have so much filler being mistaken for actual content it will make your head spin.
Apparently someone has coined a term that most likely won't be showing up in future "studies" claiming the G-spot doesn't exist. We're now in the realm of G-spot Geometry and no, you sadly can't take that class in high school. The trick to G-spot Geometry is a sex angle--not position, mind you, but angle--that intensifies female pleasure. Silly me, I just thought stimulating the G-spot straight on intensified my orgasm, but since Cosmo went to all the trouble to coin a new mathematical term and all, this must be something new and different and exciting! Right?
And we must not forget about the sex extras! Because there just wasn't enough sex laced throughout the one cover on the newsstands that will undoubtedly be the cause of many a headache. There is an article on how to give off a "good-in-bed vibe." Is there a good-in-bed vibe? One must ask themselves about the validity of this vibe, something I have just always come to know as confidence, and do you think that by learning from obviously the most reliable source out there on how to give off this vibe that it would be possible to finally attain a man who could show us wee women that whole sex angle that is sure to warp us into the world of understanding some sort of geometry within our bodies?
Even with all of the just plain horrendous catch phrases and "Please! Please just buy me!" vibes coming from this magazine, they also had to go and mess up the poor child-like collage that has become Britney Spears. Someone in the Photoshop department got very much in touch with their inner child when they chopped her head off of another picture and pasted it onto the body we see on the cover. It's either that or Cosmo plans to feature an article next month on how to work out your neck and jaw to look just like a very stiff Barbie whose head could be popped right off with very little force and they plan to reference the cover of this issue.
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